faith evolved

"Give me heaps of sugar, put me in a room full of strangers and I'll talk to anyone."

Soak up my sorrow in song
So the smile can play once more

"It's Almost Too Much"

For me it was
I lingered, afraid
For to say goodbye
Was the hardest thing

Even though you said no
I let the tears fall
And they were lost
Along with you.

evolved faith

Walking a tightrope
Between two worlds.

You made a mistake
When you called me friend.

Jack died...
-Sigh-
I think the room was too hot or something, because he was still spinning webs like crazy and eating like a tiny wolf. I gave him a good burial.
I don't feel like posting much anymore.
-Sigh-

I am an odd child. I have a new project. He has eight legs. His name is Jack.
I was helping Chris down his slide (yes, he is a bit of a pansy) and there was the biggest orbweb I have ever seen hanging on the corner of the slide frame. The thing I love about orbwebs are the fact that they build massive webs, and they are all beautiful designs. You see a huge web hanging in your garden, chances are there's an orbweb somewhere nearby.
Later on I was weeding in the garden when I saw a massive glass jar lodged in the dirt. I dug it up, washed it, re-filled it with dirt and sticks and the massive orbweb, and sealed it with hole-poked gladwrap. He is "Jack the arachnid" and he is my baby.
Feeding him? Just switch on you light, stand outside, and away they go, thumping uselessly on the window glass. It's really quite neat watching him eat. He grabs them and soon they begin to rock back and forth as he just sucks their juices from their bodies. It's quite cool to watch...
I am an odd child.

She tucked her religion
Into the back of her pants
So people wouldn't notice

But it bit her on the bum.

I got a ***** shaped problem
Weighing on my heart.
He's complex and beautiful
But completely unaware.

Stylish white, blonde foils
Nice legs.
Her laugh is to his taste
A delicate bell.

Not some farmers hoot
Drunkards guffaw
Hyperventilating dolt,
But a sweet chuckle.

She caught my eye
But looked away.
She's better than me
And she knows it.

I wish you well, I really do
Please don't break his heart
Just break mine.
It's worth less.

"When we bleed, we bleed the same."

Muse - Absolution

Prayer

Is like bubbles breaking on the surface of heaven.

"I am a moth
Just wants to share your light

I'm just an insect
Trying to get out of the night."

Radiohead - All I Need

Jimmy

Help me forget him
Help me baulk
Help me lose him
In this crowd.

I was about to give him
The only thing left untouched.
Denied.

But the dream fell fell through.
Mine always do.
Denied.

It just bounces off your skin
But mine is paper-thin.

"Your mouth only moves with some one's hand up your arse."
Radiohead - Bodysnatchers

Your'e an idiot.
Remember this every time
You want to call yourself a name,
Punch yourself
Or stoop so low
Your nose goes through the floor.
Idiot.
I love you.

I want to dream of happy things
Like fluffy ducks and fairy wings
Of rainbows and butterflies
Of candy canes, and bright blue skies.

I want my dreams to make me smile
And want to stay at least a while
I want to want to rush to sleep
And snuggle in that dream so deep.

But dreams are funny things you see
They don't listen to you or me
They drown your love or kill your cat
Harm the ones close, like Courts or Matt.

They give you super-powers, or a different face,
Or your psycho ex-boyfriend running all over the place.
They make you shiver and sweat, jolt and shake
They make your hurt increase, your body ache.

And they will carry on, your strength they'll seep
As long as you lay down to sleep.
So just be careful, the memories discard
And always remember, never take them to heart.

Anger covers my head
Haunts my dreams
Poking through the happiness
I've reached my depth.
Choker-chained and muzzled,
I cant control it.

Long time, no post.

Cover up your smile in black
Lady luck wont come back
Throw a punch to shut him up
Backfired, looks like you rolled a one.
Come home, phone around
Hope at least one will come
I'll prove it here my only one
Find a new lady friend
Because I'm done.

Charlie
The Whitlams...
Yeah, that's about right

Birthday Today

Trying to enjoy
This day of happiness,
But a cloud of trouble
Hangs over my head.

Why can't I be
Worried for you?
Am I the one getting defensive?
Or is that you?

She's unraveling the knot.
Fingering the strands,
Sometimes gently, others not
She figuring out which ones to break
To untangle the mess.

The broken strands she holds close
Fingers them, ties them around her wrist
She wants to keep them
But any minute they will break
Or snap with strain.

Give her space, Give her time.
Her tangled ball lies forgotten.
She is engrossed in her string
But sooner or later, she'll notice
What really matters.

Just a few more days. Till I'm seventeen.
Yay.

I don't want to get older.
I want to go back,
When I thought 'shut up' was bad
When all the pain I had
Was bee stings and a dead rabbit
When I didn't know what sex was
And boys were yuck.

I want to go back to climbing trees,
Getting lost in imagination
And Kits fur.
Back to when responsibility was for 'adults'
When I hated dresses
And lighters were evil.

I don't want to get older
A don't want a job, a husband, a house.
I just want to sing off tune
And roll in grass and mud
I want to love going to the tip
To see the seagulls all take off.

When guinea pigs squealed
And tummies were small
And I could run and run
And never collapse.
But life ain't all sweet
And older I am.
Guess I just have to grow up.

10 days left till I turn 17. And the sad thigs is,
I only realsied it properly yesterday.

Spider

Crawling
You know its on you
Under your clothes.

Pinchers brushing skin.
You don't know where it is
Till it bites you.

A pic of the family
And one of my horse.
A discman, Cd's and batteries to charge
A spare change of clothes
For when I get cold.
A comb, toothbrush, and a pair of boots
Falling apart with age.
A lighter, a kettle, some bags of thin tea,
I'm starting my journey,
Just try and stop me.

Wanderlust

I got the urge
To go a-whaling.
Have the sea beneath me
I am my own person
Just me and my solace,
The Sea.

No church
No destination
No cares

Coldplay in the morning.
Ben Harper at night.

No Mum
No Gerry
No problem!

Just he occasional postcard
From Dad or Leigh
And maybe a picture of Tolsey.
I want the wind
To scare my bones
Makes me shiver,
I got the wanderlust.

When the going gets tough
Lets abandon our friends shall we?

No.

Bail Out

Uncross your fingers,
Cos Lady Luck found a new friend
Your problems ain't coming to an end.

They both stayed awake.

Sleep slipping from fingers
Too tired to hold on.

They both stayed awake.

Clever, cunning, knifed
Gash, water gush.
Sad, so sad, sinks
Into sleep with nothing.

I patched up a teardrop
Oblivious to the sea.
Smiled at my neat job
While the water drowned me.

Lost Love

It fell through their fingers
Because they never held hands.

So sad eyes
From you too.

Her confusion
Burns like hell,
Scars like death,
Hurts like love.
He's overflowing
With unnamed emotion
Sloshing inside his skull.

I long to give him a hug.

All of these poems
Sitting in a row.
I'm thinking of which ones I'll keep
And which ones that will go.

Doe eyed love
Leading down.
And you follow unaware
Of the pit below you.
It gets closer.
And the thing is...
You're laughing as you fall.

All that time
All that ink
All that love
Down the sink.

Hurt is a beautiful thing.

Walking in the Shade

I'm not sure
If I'm missing the sun,
Or avoiding it.

"Did Satan create the world
When God was asleep?"

So I've got this problem.
His name is Gerry...

Promises broken
Warped and distorted.

Only the ring
Stays perfectly round.

Such a small line
But it meant so much.

Inspiration

Is a difficult thing to find
Especially when people keep asking you to dance.

The more I see of people
The more I like animals.

I still cant sleep.
I try counting sheep
But they always get away.

I keep feel
Like I'm being watched.

When I sleep
I wake with eyes open.

Cos I know
You're you're outside somewhere.

Loveshock

You hit me with your wake
And flipped me head oer heels.
But you left me fallen
And struggling to get up.

Then you noticed my sorrow
And turned back around.
You watched me wallow
But offered no hand.

Then your smile changed
And you looked plain cruel.
You grabbed my head
And held it under icy water.

You left me in tears.
You were my world.
I was hit by your loveshock.
I have never recovered.

Adaption of Something Forgotton

Last

But behind nobody,
She reaches into the pockets of her mind
And finds only dust bunnies
And a piece of string.

Is it my imagination
Running away with me?
Or is he there behind me
Sleeping with his hands around my neck?

Was that him shifting position
And breathing against my neck?
Or was that my mind moving
And nothing but the wind?

Sometimes I wish he was there,
But even on the surface I know
He's not here, he never will be again,
And it's time to let him go.

No Pirate

Watches the rain for so long.

Enjoys solitary silence.

Planned and executed a double life.

Cries in the dark.

Dresses in black all day.

Stays so long on one guy.

Is so sensitive.

Keeps a poetry diary!

Theres nothing more funny
Than watching one of your friends
Accidentally asking out your teacher.

What is she thinking?
Reaching into the pockets
Of her mind,
Looks for something
Else to hide.

Brought her up
To think like him,
But she let go
And moved away
Before he could.

He died
Again last night.
But I feel no anger,
Just sadness.

Clip Clopping
Smart as silk
She tosses her head
And arches her neck.

She's a blood bay
Red enough
To turn heads,
And she does.

Scraping the bottom of the barrel
You're tasting the dregs of life.

He moves like
The spring through winter,
Slicing through cold
With warm hands.

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You're so hot!
You're like...
A foot.

I wish I could
Run round the world
And punch myself
In the back of the head.

You shot me down and I died for real
Sad stories of truth, sin and betrayal
Force their sorry way into my mind
Likened screams of disturbance and pain
Wracked his body again and again.
He's lost from view and lost from life
Stolen goods taken, and hidden inside
A dusty mind, shedding grace and emotion
Trickling with determination over rocky footing.
I cant stop the flow, it breaks through my fingers.
I hold to you for protection
But you have flowed with it,
Casting worries aside, smiling, yawning teeth wide.
"No problems here. Every thing's in order."
And you moved onwards and downwards
You shot me down, and I died for real.

Tribute

I have a friend
Who does not judge.
He remembers my words
And repeats them innocently.

I have a friend
I confide in everyday.
I tell him everything
And he keeps wanting more.

I have a friend
Who follows me everywhere
And in the noisy classroom,
I write him quiet notes.

I have a friend
Who only listens.
My silent ear sharing
My secrets with me.

I have a friend
Dressed always in red.
And my devoted cased sidekick
I raise a tribute.

Solace.

You've got a long way to fall
But still you want
A taller horse.

I can't spend my time
Picking up your mess
The pieces of trouble
You leave everywhere.

I'm sick to death
Of hauling you around
You have two legs.
Stand on them.

What doesn't kill you
Will probably just come back
And kill you later.

Lying in death's dust
She cant pick herself up.
She's lost so much
And cried so hard
And it got her in the end.

First she was strong
It made her feel good;
But then it came back
And killed her.

Lying in death's dust
She cant pick herself up.
She's come so far
And gained so little,
But it got her in the end.

"Dont you see girl
The hand you hold
Is the hand
That holds you down?"

I wish I had a lightsabre
Then I'd have no problems...

"Hey you! Get out the way!"
-Bzzzoauuuurgh- Not fast enough!

"You got a knife huh? Looky this!"
-Zzzrrring- Wanna fussy little boy?

I'd have no long-lasting problems,
I just -bbiccchhhhhzzz- and they're gone!

Paint a picture
To hang up underground
No one to see
No one to judge.

I'm trying to write this poem
But sommat's in the way
I little ginger and white cat
Keeps asking me to play.

I push him off the bed
Then carry on with my pen
But he'll just bounce right back
And hassle me again.

He'll crawl onto my lap
I just cant keep him off
Then suddenly grow tired
And leaves in his little huff.

He sits and sulks, eyes half shut
Tail wrapped around quiet paws
His amber eyes watch my every move
As he sits in the corner on the floor.

And then up once more, just one more time
He'll bounce onto my book.
He'll take the risk, and try again,
Cos he knows at heart I'm a sook.

"We dont fight half bad!
We are not thirteen!
You wait girl,
Till you got a good one.
Besides, no thirteen year old
Kisses like Sethie!"

The world's membrane
So thin, so delicate.
Be careful not to puncture it
With your finger.

dear non-existent readers.

Apologies for lack of poetry. I know that many lives depend on my careful choice of words, and so I apologise for any loss of life I may have caused. But I am banned off the computer. So yea, despite the fact that I may put many of you at risk, Mum decided to ban me anyway. If you want to take this further, you can call the police. I don't suggest you don't. (Figure that out!)
And so I bid you adieu!

My latest hobby,
Standing in the doorways of classrooms and sandwiching anyone who slips through... good fun.
I think I might move on soon to giving people frights... in doorways of course!

Dont squander the gifts
Given to you,
You are more
Than what you have become!

Try to hit me
Your fist will pass
Right through my body.
I dont exist.
I am part of a dream.
Nothing is real,
The emotions you feel
Arent really there.

Try not to see
I am last
Behind no body.
Clench your fist,
It aint what it seems
The hand you deal
The hurt you feel
Isn't real.

Push down the keys
To make the special melody.
Making a blanket of sound
To cover the silence.

Move your hands
Press down lightly, and again.
Harmony sweetly sings
It's special song
Written just for you.

Blanket of notes
Swells, quietly bubbling
Through slim fingers,
Then suddenly stops
As the lid shuts,
Only to flow again
Next time.

Move with the grace of a drunk rhino
The elegance of a sledge hammer
The speed of a drugged sloth
The beauty of a dagged sheep
The subtlety of a T-rex,
And wish, oh wish for the end
Of this flaming dance!

The eye of sinful man
Thy glory may not see...

Pebbles hiss softly
At the running water.

Waves lap gently
At your bare feet
Caressing the sand
They spill, then retreat
Back to the deep.
They dip low
Then burst high
Extending watery tips.

Only to be swallowed
Assimilated into the sea.

The water that takes
The edge off the rocks
Flows over the broken heart
To fill in the cracks
And bring back the smile.

Board the new 'exciting' plane
Everything so new, so clean
Furiously things fairly gleam!

Your so happy, so excited
That you dont seem to notice or care,
That things dont add up.

Then it hits you, everyone lookes the same.
Everyone smiles the same smile
And laughs the same laugh.

The gleam is not from the plane,
But the sun outside pushing through the dark window
The only true light.

Find the door outside to the light.
I am still looking for the only way
Without hijacking what I have.

Clouds must be wearing mascara
Because they leave black marks
Where the Rain falls.

Smile to the new day
Things are looking up.
Today will be good.
It's all good,
Your life is going up,
So smile.

He drinks
She drinks.
They drink,
But not together.

My Job.

Quivers and droops
On the sterilised table.
Poor thing in abject misery.

It's truck smashed ribcage
Falls and rises shallowly
Beneath your sweaty hands.

Snip away that patch of hair.
Sad eyes meet yours, look away.
Push the needle beneath the skin.

Push the plunger to end misery.
Small cry as legs buckle, sinks
Onto the table top, eyes glazed.

Upset at the death my hand has caused.
But I have to do this many more times.
Ahh well, life goes on...

For me.

MindMaker

I can't make up my mind. I made another blog, but I don't know what to do with it. It's not an easy choice for me. I made another one to stop the people I know from reading it. It was a thingy to sort of protect myself from others opinions, and to stop people from knowing more about me personally I suppose. My blog has done good in the two odd months I've had it, but it has also done a few, er, not so good stuff. My poetry was exclusively personal, and maybe I should return to that.
This new blog. Deleted. All or nothing, and I picked nothing.

Thoughts Today

Back away
Leave it lay.

Take the Rain.
It is your name.

Use it well,
Or it will be stolen.

Exausted and tired
This blog is expired.

Behind closed doors
Defiled laws
Cold floors
Hidden smiles of greed wake.

I think I might give my blog a bit of a break... an extended break. I dunno why, for some reason when i get onto my blog I feel depressed. I might just leave it now. I looked at my poetry book from a long time ago, and actually i feel like i haven't improved at all. I feel shamed as i flick through others blogs, and I've been going longer than they have. Also i find that my poetry gets in the way of other things, like homework.
I guess i need to find another way to vent frustration.

Tips to Trip

Wade through the melted woods of emotion
To reach the shining prize of secret.

Warped and twisted is the bittersweet forest
Of all she holds in her dream.

Don't bring a machete, the more you cut
The faster it grows back.

Don't hack through, slip past. Take none of that
Bold front nonsense.

I'll give you a tip. She's a fake, challenge her
And she's gone.

Use your eyes. Watch for the Rain, then make
Your move.

Hidden Loans

Slops against the side of the bucket
He wont be trusted
Though he says he loves you
He's rough.

Gives away his trade
With his peace offering.
You take it out of pressure
You're hooked.

He's not right.
Your not right.
Together, not right.
End it.

Shakes with anger
Not his own body.
Demands it all back
And more.

"Go home and cry!"
So I do, knees to chest
Bogged down in debt
I cannot return.

There's no such thing as a free gift
So I guess I have to pay.

And the Convo Was

She came out of the washing machine giggly clean!

What waxes, but has no hair?

Exhaustion runs deep
Poured out in lumps
Like the blood that flows
Through soggy veins.

Turns slowly, congealing
Or leaking out
Through slits or cracks
Not meant to be there.

Oozes past wasting muscle
Acidic from under use.
Through the heart fuzzily beating
It's strenth nearly spent.

I think my blog is too serious. I might do sommat about that. I'm always complaining that others are far too serious, and yet, I'm really no better.

Buttom Splodge Knigget

Splosh Fossick Curry

Squishy Blob Splat

Sussuruss Zonk Socks

Plurp Purr Donk

Blubber Warthog Scatter

Flop Lolly Baboon...

I few 'words' that I have choson that I like the sound of... basically cos they sound silly.

That's me being me.

There is a word,
Even the brave fear...

Neh!

Shot his mouth off.
Gave her the hint
That she took with both hands.
A powerful weapon
To use against them.
Destroy the earth!
Pulverise all!

I think not...

Watching her now,
I realise what I've done.
Gone and planted
Doubt in her heart.

Now she struggles
When help is needed most,
She can't find it
Up above.

Made my decision,
Not her own.
She's now lost,
Or less found.

"Change your way
And live my girl.
Don't you worry bout me.
I'm a lost cause.

But you! You have hope.
Don't throw it away.
Keep it, treasure it,
Share it, believe it."

When she reaches the pearly gates,
Will they let her in?

Dark and damp.
Foot on the floor.
Draw it back.

Honest fears.
Defiled tears.
Unawares.

Light the lamp.
Open the door.
Get on track.

He will care.
Open his ear.
All made clear.

She did it anyway, despite the trouble.
She got gum and blew a bubble.
It was bigger than a dog.
And also bigger than a frog
And it can be often seen in smog,
lIke more babies from the stalk...
Stop it Kerryn!

"Can I
Do you
A favour?

Can I
Help you
With that?"

"Can you
Please just
Piss off?

Can you
Stop it and
Let me rest?"

"Ha ha.
Your funny.
I'll help.

Here's my
Comment on
Your life."

"Oh yup.
That's nice.
But I

Don't need
You or
Your help."

"Too bad.
I'm here
To stay.

I am you.
You can't be
Rid of me."

"Wanna bet?
Bring it on.
I got sommat
A Rottweiler.
You got nothing.
Leave me now
And I wont
Set him loose
On your own
Sick little mind!"

Sorry mams.

With those eyes that stare right through
He'll reprove you.
He taps with on the desk of impatience,
But I'm in that mood.
I wont be able to look at him for long,
Cos I'm wrong.

Cry on my shoulder.
It will be ok, I'm here.
I wont let you fall.

Pain.
So strong
Overwhelming
Bigger than me.

But,
Remember
There are people
Far worse off than me.

Smile.
Face the new day.
It's problems to solve,
It's joys to unfold.
Breathe in, and out.

Never 'forget' to breathe.
Put your head down,
Pull into the harness
With all your weight.
You can pull up that hill
Even with that load.

She'll help you.
The push from behind.

He picks up a rope
And pulls with all his might.

You feel yourself going up
Up towards peace and light.

Things will sort themselves out,
Weaving and working
Behind the scenes.

I love you Sophie.
I love you Courtenay.
I understand your pain.

There is a bigger force at work here.

Psalm 34: 18.
"The Lord is near to the broken hearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Remember Him.

The three tortured souls
That sit on the floor

Clasp hands.

And send up a prayer
To the One for help

We plead.

My Worst Fear

Clip clopping on the gray.
The usual, no different.

Choking and guttering.
Disturbing and loud.

They collide with a crack.

Throw your anchor into the sea
And hope it will hold.
You probably wont catch anything
Except maybe a cold.

Sit in the shadow and don't talk.
Make yourself scarce.
Don't make friends you cannot leave.
Don't make it harder than it has to be.
And always, always remember,
You are not one of them.

Who is Happiness?
Where has he been?
Where is he going?
I wish I could follow.

Fingers, that do not touch.
Nose, that will not smell.
Ears, that will not hear.
Tongue, that will not taste.
But the eyes, the eyes
See all.

Not worthy to tie his shoe, or see his face.
I'm worth nothing, bogged down in disgrace.

I'm covered in grime, dirt and shit
As I tell him I want none of it.

Repulsive ans ugly, demanding and sick
Loosing but fighting the current of Styx.

I wish I could take that One Big Leap
I wish I climb That Hill, so steep.

To follow that King, the One so strong
Being apart, it feels so wrong.

But this shit I'm up to my neck in
Against it I feel I just cant win.
I'm in the freezing water, and I can't swim,
Against the current of Dis and sin.
Help, please.

I'm sick to death of playing pretend
And I cant help but wonder how this will end.

You cannot catch me.
I'm too small.
Slip through your fingers
Like smoke on the wind.

By the way, these poems I either wrote in class or at camp. It's amazing how inspirational a group of dog-tired grumpy smelly people can be, especially if you don't know most of them. At camp, I wrote less poetry than I would normally, but they were better poems, and they dove deep into the heart of many things; so deep I cant post them here for fear of what he'll say. Anyway, yea, that's what these last seven poems were about.
The dirty dishes one i think will confuse a lot of people, but it's funny, I wrote it during a meal time, and was struggling to find a line that i could conclude the poem with. I couldn't find anything that would fit. Someone leaned over to me to take my bowl, and them said really clearly, "You can put your dirty dishes in here..." I dunno, it just was there when i needed sommat. And i think it worked with the topic anyway.
Feel free to tell me that it's shit.

Round and round
So strong, and ready
To abuse it's power.

And they say nothing.

It hits hard
And many fall
Along with homes
And family.

And they still wont.

Many missing
More dead.
And those who survived
Starve as they plead.
But no,

They still shake their heads.

How can you watch them suffer?
Your people starve on a diet
Of force-fed pride.
You're killing them.

This is not my pen.
Not the tool of crap
That shows no talent.

This is the weapon
Shakespeare was proud of.
It has written (with it's hand)
Tales deep and full,
Poetry I will never write,
Stories I will never tell.

This is Matthew's pen,
The pen of talent.
Ink about to be 'spilled'
With care and feeling.

This is a pen, nay, The Pen
Which will discover new lines
And bitter-sweet secrets.
It will knock on the door of truth
And be let in.

And my pen, though fancier:
Bears no match
Has no talent
Holds no secrets
Tells no truths.

In short, it's just a pen.

What if I do Lord?
What if I dont?

To feel her strength between your knees.
That rhythm, 2 beats, 4 beats, 3 beats, 1 beat.
She beats the drum of the earth.

Invisible and free, mighty and strong.
Unstoppable power, singing speeds song.

Heavy breathing, rhythmic blending
Blurring speed and heavy muscle.

Watch her run with incredible grace
As together we fly to finish this race.

Look into my heart,
Tell me what you see.
Does is lie in dark,
Or sit in light?

Put your dirty dishes in here.

I'm a slave
Ruled by a master
I hate to love.

He drives me
Moves me on,
But wont let me rest.

Takes more than he gives.
I gave him my heart,
But he wants my soul.

Stare me in the eye
And I'll glare right back.
I'm wrong,
But don't give a damn.

Don't you bother help
I'll just self-destruct
And bring you
With me.

Why do you stay?
Why not just leave?
Why do you care?
It's not your fault.

"Abi your're sick!
No one wants you.
No one wants to join
Your sick little occult."

Burning forever in searing heat.
Black flesh peeling off white bones.
Screaming, screaming forever in agony,
With none to wet the tip of my tongue.

Clad in peaceful, shining white
Singing, forever singing to God.
Forgotten those not here among them.
Or not allowed to remember...

This may be my last post here.
I'm not too sure yet.
Will get some wise peoples advice.

Sliding into apathy
Dying in captivity...
But he can help.

Rain

When the rain falls
Who will be inside
And who will stand out
To taste it?

"No I can't."

"Give it a go."

"I cant explain."

"Just try."

"I cant, it's too hard.
Tell you what.
Step inside my head,
Take a look around
And tell me what you find.
Turn left, and make two rights.
Push through the black veil
It wont be easy, but
You can do it.

"Head past the guilt
And shame
And onward to the end.
Not far now.

"Break through the secrets
And the evil intent
Break through the lies
And hidden pain.

"And there will you find it,
That 'amazing prize' that
You want so badly.
Bitter disappointment,
The finding is no joy
Or glory."

Sorry. I still cant explain.

Because I was determined not to be sucked in by myself or any other person into restarting my blog, I add with a bit of shame these new few poems. I couldn't help it. I HAVE to write poetry. I can't live without it. It's posting it that may make me guilty. Anyway, here we are.

Yeah, this one wasn't so good either...
So I biffed it too.

These are all the thoughts in my head right now...
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Yea i no. Busy huh? My brain is mush.

My own room
Has my own things
With my own pictures
And my own door
And I can choose who
Walks through my own door.

My own room
Has my own space
And my own desk
And my own draws...

And many thanks to you oh Esther, for taking that away from me.

What happens
When we go
And leave behind us
The tears and fears
Of this world?

Where do we go?

Is there The Man
Sitting and ready?
Or are we just left
To slumber in the dust
And never awake,
The soil that covers us
Never to be moved?

What will The Man say?
What will He do?
Will we go
On His right or on His left?
A sheep or a goat?

All these questions
That cant
And wont be answered,
By all except the one who knows.

Ask him nicely,
For Time will tell.

If You are there
And if You do care,
Then why cant I share
This faith in You?

But I'm in this mess
And You couldn't care less
While others You'll bless,
You'll watch and not care.

I want to serve You,
To beleive that You're true,
So my faith please renew,
Because all else seems pointless.

I hope he's coming
Just so I can say hi.
But I hope he stays home
So I cant stuff it up.

Bound and tied to the tracks
Train thundering closer
Seeming to pick up speed
As it gets nearer.

Nowhere to go,
Nowhere to run.
You're stuck with you
And your dying wish,
But no one will listen.

Cry of desperation,
Scream of despair.
You'll take it all back
If they let you go.

But it's too late.

The sound of an iron bar
Hitting a wet side of meat.

You're divided in two,
Half being dragged
Half left behind.

Scarlet life clots
And death grows strong.

And it's too late.

Wild gallop
Lost control
Swerve, and I
Loose my stirrups.

Hanging off one side
Cumbersome and heavy.
She bucks to be free
Then I smack turf.

If you fall off, get right back on.

One last ally
That stands tall.
I know I cant keep him,
He's gonna fall.

And untill then
I thank you friend
Though it would have been nice
To keep you till the end.

One tall, my queen
The other short, my favorite.
Do you know what I am talking about?
Neither.
Well if I do I'm not telling.
Ask me when I'm in a better mood.

Went for counselling today. I dont care who knows, but it makes you think, why do some people need counselling, while others can get away with drifting through life without thinking deeply? Or maybe people do think deeply, but can still agree with what they've been taught over the years and not have to question everything and come from a new perspective... mmm.
All that I want to say is that people ARE going to question what they have been taught, and when they do, please dont judge them for it. Rather, it would be a good idea to ask them their opinion and have a chat with them over your differences. Give them your opinion with a good argument behind it, and if they have any sense, (which the 'thinkers and questioners' mainly will) you'll find that they may listen to you.
Also try and understand where they are coming from. They may have just as good an argument as you. Listen to them, you might learn something new.
And I no that I'd much rather learn something new than pigeonhole people.
Just a thought.

NOTICE

Grrrr. Dont you just hate it when you're in class, and there's a couple of bimbos holding up the whole thing and wasting time by being a couple of absolute dolts!? It drives me crazy!

This is a poem that Blair made fun of today, which I thought was quite amusing. Anyway:

Deer dart past
Limbs strenthend with spring.
Birds call overhead
Free, filled with song
That bursts unchecked
As the sun spreads it's golden blanket
Of light and warmth
On the soft folds of green.

This is my first attempt at a scenery poem. Cut me some slack ; - )

So much work
So many sheets
So confusing
Blow it all.
Correspondance sucks!

Happy 21st birthday Es. I hope you have a great day with lots of lollies n chippies n coke n sugar. I love you lots!

A perfect picture.
Clean limbed,
Beautiful.

Flows like silk
While muscles ripple
Beaneath the golden coat.

All the room in the world to run.

Tail high
Blowing in the wind
Ears flat to head
Belly skimming the ground.

Then the leap.

Claws unsheath
As death awaits.
The deer hits the ground
And doesn't get up.

Beauty can be fatal,
Especially if it's in the form
Of a cheetah.

Do I do what they say?
Do I do good and submit?
Or should I do what seems fair?

Do I give in?
Walk down the isle
Like some stupid bride?

Injustice and favouratism.
He's biased.
She has no choice
But to agree.

What will happen if I do give in?
Will it be easier or harder?
I dont want to find out.

Drop off beneath the warm sheets
And slumber till it happens.

It happens.

The blare starts small and grows
Untill it penetrates your dreams.

Roll over
Push it off the desk.
Where it will scream
From the floor.

It's too warm to leave
So you push the button
Knowing the same will happen
Nine minutes later.

I am NOT a morning person!

So quiet and serene,
Full of beauty and peace.
Just me and her.
No sound except
The beating of hooves
Creak of saddle and clink of stirrups
Click of the tounge and away we go
With speed and thrill
No machine can match.

I love my horse.

He's so close to me,
Yet I cant talk to him.
He's too far off.
Bugger!

White hot anger
Frothing and foaming,
Beware those who stand in my way.

A bomb of blood.
Which wire to cut?
Blue or red?

A smouldering fire of hate
I'm ready to pour
Petrol on.

Bubbling and boiling
A whole cauldron of rage
Ready to tip
Or overflow.

Runaway horse, gallops to destroy
Bonds, family, love.
It cant be controlled.

I try not to get angry,
But it overwhelms me,
Piling red hot tenticles of hate
Inside my skull

Why do I get so angry
At the things I love most?
Why so savage, so aggressive...
And why cant I control it?
I need to get behind the wheel.

I'm going to loose it
At people I love,
And when I do,
I'm sorry.

Black as thunder,
Mean at least
I'm the only one
Who'll ride this beast.

Hold the reins
But not too tight.
I hope he wont
Cos i'll loose this fight.

Head goes down
Mean eyes black,
Bucked me twice
I'm off his back.

It's always the second buck that throws you.

Plastic bowls and cups
Clinking at each table
Bellies growling in the morning
Asking to be fed.

Wait your turn,
But dont mind
Because friends are there
To wait with you.

Hubbub and chatter
Pleasant and light
All around the hall.
Wave to anyone
And they'll wave back.

We're all one massive family.
I guess that's why they call it
Family Camp!

When you start, you cant stop.
It gets a hold of you
And wont let go.
It's grip is so tight
I wont bother fight
Because I like it.

Writing till fingers bleed.

And with these bleeding fingers
I write all in my mind.

Writing is so free, so rich.
One of the last worthy
Skills left in the world...
Pity I'm no good.

Hiya all. My name is Abi and this is my blog... Pretty flash huh?
I Guess I should say sommat bou myself. Well, I'm about 5 foot 3,
a shocking speller, and a try hard poet. I like to write short
stories and ride horses. I have my own beautiful standardbred,
but would like to be able to buy another horse (one day).
Please excuse any misspellings and typos that will occur in this page.
Comments and advice are more than welcome (honestly).