Monday, September 20, 2010

Smith

You convinced yourself
I'd be there by now.
But you couldn't have seen me
Wave goodbye as I passed on...
There was always tommorrow

The deeper meanings lay
In straight white powdered lines
Standing out from the table,
They pulled open your mind
To let out the bottled sighs.

Maybe they could have let us
Build our worlds together, only
To have them ripped apart
In front of our eyes, the hard part
Getting used to the lonliness.

Church forcing and flushing
Your unsteady triple life
Hollow heluim prayers knocking
Bumping pointlessly, endlessly
Against the nicotine ceiling.

The words always came out
Sitting artfully in their places
So harsh and hard to grip
The way out was so much easier
Than the way in.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I told you before,
You'd bitten off more than you could chew.
You didn't believe me then,
But I guess by now you do.

Adaption of a Forgotten but not so Bad Poem

And on we went
Saddle and stirrups methodically creaking
Together we toiled upwards
The winding hills fall beneath our feet.

She steamed and I smoked,
And the ground fell away
As the sky leaned in to hold us.

We swayed together,
Her hooves turning the world
One, two, three beats,
She beats the drum of the earth.

Together we breached the hill
Broke open the world,
And walked the place
Where earth meets sky.

I could have stayed there forever,
One with my horse
Looking down upon civilisation.
We breached peace at last,
And there was plenty for all.

We lived in the Blue Mountains
Till dusk called us home.
And the texts pushed in,
As the cars rolled past
Beating flat the tar seal
We spend our lives pounding.

We spent years getting home
Taking our time to skip the rush
The faster they live, the faster they die,
And we take no part.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Weed

Each puff is a checkpoint
To search and destroy
Every thought that occured
Since after the last puff.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Well, my 18th birthday passed by before i wanted it to. It wasn't really that great a day to remember. Jut felt like the usual. I had a few friends over, and that was pleasant enough. The real let-down was that it was a sunday, and sundays are grey. I sat for two hours on a bloody pew thinking about how quickly things seem to go. Then second thoughts added that I'd never get those two hours back. Nevermind, it wont be long now.

On the upside, this year i got the best present I'd ever received in my life. Mum and I traveled to Masterton to pick up the 'ipod' I thought they had bought me. "Lets make a road-trip of it, you know, a girls day out!" she had said. I hadn't caught up with Mum in a while and since I would be moving home soonish and our relationship was already strained, I readily agreed. I'm glad I did.

Mum picked me up from work and we set off to the armpit of the lower north island. Masterhole, as some of my friends call it. We cranked out Paul Simon, both of us singing loudly. It was a fun trip up. I even got her to speed, if thats possible in a Volvo. As we neared our destnation, I was growing more excited but more suspicious. Mum kept sending out texts to the 'ipods' owner while she made lame excuses as to why she was texting him. "Just making sure I know where I'm going." Yeah right Mum. I'll add a quick note now. When Mum is lost, there's no calm texting. There's a flurry of maps and papers, there's speeding and frustration, there's angry shoot backs and frantic glances at signposts, and general complaining that there aren't enough of them, that anyone would get lost. It depends on her mood as to whether i add a wise crack about blondes. Usually I don't.

It was a lovely day and the sun shone on everything, even managing to make Masterton look pretty. We stopped for good in Queen Elizabeth Park. I had a durry and Mum enjoyed the sun. Her excuse for stopping was that the owners of the 'ipod' wouldnt be home before 5:30. That I did beleive. Its not uncommon for workers to not finish work till about then. I was content to wait.

I didn't have to wait very long. A car pulled into the lot a few moments later. I paid it no attention but Mum announced that this was them. I scrutinised the car more closely. It was a covered ute,a farming vehicle and I could see animal shapes in the back. Probably sheep-dogs along for the ride. A young couple were in the front,and my suspicions peaked. A young farming couple meeting up with us to give us an 'ipod'? Hadn't mail been invented? Iknow Mum can be a bit old fashioned, but even Oma uses the mail!

It wasn't an ipod. That I had figured out. I knew I had been fooled and desperately wanted to know what was up so I hurried mum along to meet these new people who knew something I didn't. Mum talked breifly with the lady and they both turned to me and smiled. "So she doesn't actually know? This is a complete surprise?" The lady asked Mum. Mum laughed, obviously happy with herself at keepng this from me. "No, she doesn't know." But I was dying to.

Once again, i didn't have long to wait. They all went round to the back to the truck. The man opened it up, and a yellow snout thrust its way into open air. It was a beautiful Golden Retriever bitch! And looking very worse for wear from the trip, were three 2 month old puppies. "You can choose one," Mum said softly, and from the smile on her face,I knew she wasn't joking.

I cried. I didn't even look at the pups so much. I was incredibly overwhelmed. I never in the entire trip had even the slightest idea that it was a puppy. I was suddenly filled with an affection for the whole family, who had probably put in a heck of alot of work to keep this quiet.

Once I had regained a bit of composure, I took a closer look at the three. They'd traveled for just under an hour and weren't used to it. They looked at me with listless eyes, and my heart went out to them. None of the pups showed any interest in anything. They looked very sick. I can remember shamefully thinking at the time, 'One of these? I'd rather have an ipod!' A stupid thought, considering the promises of a puppy hold alot more than that of an ipod.

One of the pups was dribbling excessively and there was puppy spew on the floor of the ute. The man, obviously a bit ashamed of the state of the pups offered to take them out on the grass. Knowing it would be good for them and probably would liven them up a bit I agreed. It would give me a better look at them.

It really worked. Almost as soon as the puppies paws touched the grass they came to life. Two of them were brindle, black and white, and the other was solid black and white. They were all boys. The latter was the prettist of the bunch, but he just sat on the grass and shivered. I turned my attention to the other two. The two pups behaved about the same. One went for Mum's lap and the other went for mine. He gambolled along and made friends with everybody, running from one person to the next. I lay back on the grass and he attacked my face sweetly.

I chose him, the little honey. I've had him nearly a week now and i don't regret my choice. He follows me around like a little Klingon. He sleeps on mybed and poos on my floor. He harrases the cat and attacks the broom. He howles when we go to church and when i turn on my hairdryer. He flops at my feet when tired, and he loves sand. All this I've found out in less than a week and there's so much more to do!

Recently I haven't had a hell of a lot to look forward to. Work is hard and friends are sparse and fickle. I seem to be losing more every year. But this puppy has given me so much. I love coming home now, even if there's a mess for me to clean up, even if I have to scold him because I found the cat terrified on the fridge, even if he's chewed my shoes, eaten the cat food, or gne into 'forbidden' rooms. He'll be a friend for a very long time, and I'm really looking forward to it.

Anyway, must be off. Puppy has to go outside. His bladder isn't very strong. More later.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Ravens sings
Paper wings
Bundled up with all the little things.

Friday, August 28, 2009

I wonder, how many 'Smiths' there are in hell?

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Spilt dreams
Falling beams
Splitting seams
All that means,
Broken teams.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

He's taken what was promised to me
And now I'm going to take it back.
Like the new day
You change along with it
Our differences mark us
Religion, our great divider
Standing, but not together
Falling apart behind the smoke.
The answer to seek
Is buried in lies
And suicides.

Something Else to Hide Behind

I've created another smokescreen
And we hide behind
Laughing to ourselves

They can't see us
We hold together
Hand in hand, heart pulling heart

Embraced in our sin
We hold too tight
And have forgotten how to let go.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Words wont come.
And even if they did
I'd throw 'em away.
He said hello
To say goodbye.
I never had a chance anyway.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Weeks

Some weeks are hard.
Hard to wake into
Hard to get out of.