Birthday Today

Trying to enjoy
This day of happiness,
But a cloud of trouble
Hangs over my head.

Why can't I be
Worried for you?
Am I the one getting defensive?
Or is that you?

She's unraveling the knot.
Fingering the strands,
Sometimes gently, others not
She figuring out which ones to break
To untangle the mess.

The broken strands she holds close
Fingers them, ties them around her wrist
She wants to keep them
But any minute they will break
Or snap with strain.

Give her space, Give her time.
Her tangled ball lies forgotten.
She is engrossed in her string
But sooner or later, she'll notice
What really matters.

Just a few more days. Till I'm seventeen.
Yay.

I don't want to get older.
I want to go back,
When I thought 'shut up' was bad
When all the pain I had
Was bee stings and a dead rabbit
When I didn't know what sex was
And boys were yuck.

I want to go back to climbing trees,
Getting lost in imagination
And Kits fur.
Back to when responsibility was for 'adults'
When I hated dresses
And lighters were evil.

I don't want to get older
A don't want a job, a husband, a house.
I just want to sing off tune
And roll in grass and mud
I want to love going to the tip
To see the seagulls all take off.

When guinea pigs squealed
And tummies were small
And I could run and run
And never collapse.
But life ain't all sweet
And older I am.
Guess I just have to grow up.

10 days left till I turn 17. And the sad thigs is,
I only realsied it properly yesterday.

Spider

Crawling
You know its on you
Under your clothes.

Pinchers brushing skin.
You don't know where it is
Till it bites you.

A pic of the family
And one of my horse.
A discman, Cd's and batteries to charge
A spare change of clothes
For when I get cold.
A comb, toothbrush, and a pair of boots
Falling apart with age.
A lighter, a kettle, some bags of thin tea,
I'm starting my journey,
Just try and stop me.

Wanderlust

I got the urge
To go a-whaling.
Have the sea beneath me
I am my own person
Just me and my solace,
The Sea.

No church
No destination
No cares

Coldplay in the morning.
Ben Harper at night.

No Mum
No Gerry
No problem!

Just he occasional postcard
From Dad or Leigh
And maybe a picture of Tolsey.
I want the wind
To scare my bones
Makes me shiver,
I got the wanderlust.

When the going gets tough
Lets abandon our friends shall we?

No.

Bail Out

Uncross your fingers,
Cos Lady Luck found a new friend
Your problems ain't coming to an end.

They both stayed awake.

Sleep slipping from fingers
Too tired to hold on.

They both stayed awake.

Clever, cunning, knifed
Gash, water gush.
Sad, so sad, sinks
Into sleep with nothing.

I patched up a teardrop
Oblivious to the sea.
Smiled at my neat job
While the water drowned me.

Lost Love

It fell through their fingers
Because they never held hands.

So sad eyes
From you too.

Her confusion
Burns like hell,
Scars like death,
Hurts like love.
He's overflowing
With unnamed emotion
Sloshing inside his skull.

I long to give him a hug.

All of these poems
Sitting in a row.
I'm thinking of which ones I'll keep
And which ones that will go.

Doe eyed love
Leading down.
And you follow unaware
Of the pit below you.
It gets closer.
And the thing is...
You're laughing as you fall.

All that time
All that ink
All that love
Down the sink.